Michelle Duggar, mother of the clan, has won at least one mother of the year award that I know of, possibly more than that. I'm sure she has won it every year in the hearts and minds of her children. She may have one of the biggest families in America, but I'm sure (based on what I've seen of her), she is not trying to have as many children as possible in order to "beat" other women at the "sport" of childbearing. She has simply embraced the fact that children are a blessing, and has a calling and an ability to have and raise that many children.
I must admit, however, I have the bad habit of watching the show and how much fun they have and think "maybe I should see how many children I can possibly have before I run out of eggs". Not only that, I think of my childhood and how it would have been nice to have a few more siblings around to play with. I always wanted a baby brother. In fact, I had already picked out his name- Cory.
I always thought, man two is not enough kids. I was, at times, quite lonely as a child. No disrespect to my parents, who felt that two was their number. So then I had the idea that I should have at least three because then my kids wouldn't be lonely. (Which, obviously, isn't necessarily true).
Then...I had Isla. She's a great baby and such a blessing to my life. However, the pregnancy and especially the postpartum period almost had me checking into an inpatient mental facility. I don't say that in jest; literally, I almost couldn't handle the mental distress that came with the hormones. That experience is another post for another day, though. Anywho, needless to say, I thought Isla might be an only child for awhile.
Now, I'm just not sure. It's so hard to figure out what "your number" should be. Some couples don't get any control over that number, and some people change their mind later and decide they want one or more kids later in life. The question I have for myself is, will I be satisfied with just two? I can't honestly say yes at this point. I know I definitely want at least one more. And I know to have more kids than your mom did to prove you can handle it is a stupid reason to have more kids. But is it a bad reason to have another child because you want a boy? If my next child is a girl, would it be bad to have another child to see if we get a boy? If my next child is a boy, should we call it done because we have one of each? Is it too difficult to afford more than two children? Can I stay sane if I have more than two kids? Can I stay sane if I have even one more child?
These are questions I really have no answers to. I differ from the Duggars in the way that I believe that God lets you decide how many kids you want to have. I have no qualms with birth control (unless it is abortifacient). If you "leave it up to God", you're really just leaving it up to biology as He designed it. To put it bluntly, if you have sex during ovulation and you and your partner are fertile, you will most likely get pregnant. If you are infertile and don't take fertility treatments, you probably won't get pregnant. (I know this is a simplistic way of thinking, but I'm being very general here). I do think, however, if you are a believer, you should seek God for wisdom on the bearing and raising of children, as you should seek him on all big decisions in life. Take an inventory of your situation ask him if this is a good time for you to have a child. Maybe he does have a large biological family in mind for you. Maybe he has adoption or foster care in mind for you. Maybe he needs you to be a surrogate parent to the neighborhood kids or to your nieces and nephews. Family is going to look a little different for each of us.
Amidst all the uncertainty, I know have to relinquish some control and let God direct me. And most of all, I can't compare myself to Michelle Duggar, my mother, or my friends. This goes for other things too. It's easy to think you have to do things a certain way because everyone else is. You have to find your own path and measure yourself by how well you are travelling down the path God has paved for you, not how you measure up compared to someone else's life.
In the future, I will be posting more on calling, and how I believe God is leading me. I will also try to keep you updated on the twists and turns along the way. For today, I will just leave you with this little word of encouragement from Proverbs 3:5-6:
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. (NIV)
